WHY ARRANGED MARRIAGES ARE BETTER

After spending a great deal of time pondering over the question of marriage, I have come to the firm conclusion that arranged marriages are far superion than the so called love marriages. First, in an arranges marriage, the families of both the girl and the boy are involved in the decision and since the marriage is based on the social and cutural compatiablity of both the boy and the girl the chances of the marriage working out are much better. In the haze induced by the harmons running wild, the chances of the girl and the boy taking the wromg decision is very high. At first blush all seems well, but gradually reality starts assderting itself. Arranged marriages always have a strong safety net and if there are problems bewtween the wifew and husband, the safety net provides security. In the case of the so-called "love marriges", the only solution seems to be divorce as both are either unable or unwilling to compromise. I have cases where the wife willingly sacrifices her time, her carreer for the sake of her husband. In love marriges the burden of expectation is so high that the relationship collapes under the weight of unfulfilled rxpectations.

The main reason why "love marriages" are considered to be better, is that there is the element of choice for both the boy and the girl. These days when girls too are getting educated and are aware of their rights, it is just impossible to tie them with a man they just do not approve. So even in arranged marriage the girl is consulted. In the love marriage scenario, the economic and social distance between the couples may appear romantic in the beginning, gradually leads to frustration and in no time the happy couple is anything but happy. Worse they have noone to blame but themselves. In the case of the so called "love marriages", even if the parents accept the choice of thir children, there is always an undercurrent of suspicion and mutual distrust. Even after the birth of a child, the hostility persists and the chils grows up feeling weary and lonely within the family.

In the old days when arranged marriges were the norm, ther bread winner was usually the husband. Women accepted the fact that the husband's carreer was of primary concern and imortance. Now with both the wife and the husband working, particularly in the "soft ware sector" women have started asserting the right to their carreer and in many instances the marriage does not withstand the tensions created by the dual pressure of carreer and home. I do not know the solution to this problem, but I have seem far too many cases of double income families collapsing under the strain.

I think it is best to bring up children with the idea that the parents will take the right decision and we must not allow children to fall victim to the illusionary charms of love marriage.